This one is for the Queens that don’t know their value. This week I noticed many women who have gave pieces of them that weren’t cherished.
In relationships people have two theories 1. You must compromise, 2. Don’t! Know your worth. I am here to say they are both necessary to maintain a healthy relationship. Not because I have the answers, (because I don’t). These are some gems I have gathered.
In the age of Facebook where you can only put the happy things, because the sad or bad things aren’t accepted. We create a false sense of what it’s like to be in relationships. Memes that tell us what a real woman, real man or marriage is. People that cry out for help, we mute or remove from our timeline. People that boast of a great life, we call goals. We create judgment and opinions on things we only know half truths about. Most important, the charade we have to play and picture we have to paint to avoid that judgment. “I can’t post when things are going wrong, only when things are going good”, so when we are struggling we can’t reach out (that’s called pride). By doing this we have compromised our self worth.
There are women that stay in relationships based off what it would look like. They think about what people would think of them if they knew you had trouble in their home? Women will isolate themselves and say “I just don’t get along with other women” (not true) you just don’t want to face your stuff. You don’t want to be held accountable for your actions or hear “Sis, you’re worth so much more.” Issues in relationships are normal, and if we were to talk to each other more we would know that. I have witnessed many relationships where the women (because I have not spoken to men that feel this way) stay in a relationship to save face. Their relationship is broken, but the ever present notion of a perfect family keeps them from acknowledging their worth and hinders them from moving on.
Compromise: Looks like this: You despise doing the dishes, but you will do them because your partner folds the clothes. (That was basic) A better one you have a million female friends on social media, you’ve had them all along, they’re not the greatest with boundaries but you pay no attention to them. Your partner wants you to remove them all together to avoid the issue. You refuse because she should just trust you. She just wants to avoid a problem ever happening again and set clear boundaries. (I know this because you are both excellent communicators) The compromise: You remove them or don’t? Maybe you do because she is worth more than social media numbers. Maybe you don’t because she has realized that he has given his word and has never given her a reason to doubt him. Whatever the compromise this is a conversation between the couple not to be dictated by a meme, or the opinions of other. A compromise is an understanding that you are two different people with two different upbringings, and individual mindsets. But value that individuality, and can find a solution that doesn’t benefit one person more than the other. (Don’t quote me) Also, because I am meeting people where they are at I used Facebook.
Self worth: Sometimes as individuals we go into relationships with our mindsets and baggage unwilling to meet someone half way. We already have all the answers to everything and no one will ever suit you or reach your expectations. “I am a strong black Woman I will not accept A.B.C.D.” You walk into someone’s life with a laundry list of expectations that are unwavering and wonder why you cannot keep a relationship. I am not saying compromise. There are things we know are a must and that we cannot simply go without, find those things and put all the others in a category marked: up for negotiation. Compromising and accepting someone for who they are doesn’t mean you’ve settled for less.
To the Narcissists, my least favorite kind of people, these are the unwavering, unwilling to see things any way but their own. They find no flaws in themselves, and boost their ego on making you feel unworthy to be with them. You are always the problem, and they hold no accountability. God complex ; they are always looking to make you better to suit their image, nitpicking about your image, education, and no matter how hard you try you will never be enough. You compromise everything you liked about yourself, and diminish your self-worth.
This is very personal to me because these things are what bring you into my office, and lead to mental health issues like, depression, anxiety, negative self image, PTSD from staying in an abusive relationship, and suicide. I could go on and on, however I know my followers lol you either are going to be annoyed by the length or are very busy. So please chime in and have a conversation with be. I am not an expert and would love to talk.
For the Culture.