Linda, listen! I haven’t been able to sit and breathe for two seconds to write. I feel awful, I mean technically I still have a million and one things to do. But no self loathing or excuses. I’m back w the jumpoff!
I started doing that self destruct, sabotage, thing I know so well. To be honest I was nervous (I rolled my eyes). Nervous because how can I tell you to keep going if I can’t keep myself going.. but here I is! Nervous because I took a break and maybe you all forgot about me or more importantly yourselves and your mental health.
I had so many topics and ideas. Picture any typical writers block scenes where the writer sharpens the pencil all way to the eraser or has a room full of balled up papers … or me, who can find anything else to do but the task at hand. I had Christmas and all that chaos that comes with it and holiday blues blah blah bs. Any who, the topic that kept reoccurring in all of my procrastinating was confidence. I must have lost it under the seat of my car with all of the other unimaginable things Caleb and Calvin have placed there. It happened about three weeks ago and had been manifesting itself ever since until I had no choice but to sit down and write.
So the first time the topic came up was when a client walked into my office and began talking about how pretty she felt and she was radiant. She walked around smiling so much that her crush noticed her. Now if you know me I wanted her to understand that she found her confidence within herself and someone was able to notice what she already had. She understood. We went on to discuss how she could bottle her confidence and spray it on. It was tantalizing, contagious and mostly encouraging. Not in the way of physical beauty but just that I have what I need already to be able to make it. It’s always going to be inside of me and I shouldn’t have to look to other people to build me up.
So here’s this thing I do: when I begin to doubt myself or feel insecure, I want to consult people who I believe are great. I want them to tell me what to do, or that my ideas are good and tangible. I do not trust myself. I’m thinking now about all of the people who have made a difference in the world, and imagine how many people told them their ideas were wack or crazy. Something I get often is “well how ya gonna do that?” The other thing is I want to read more or tell myself if I have another CEU, or degree then I will be qualified (insert Christian quote here). As if my thoughts and perspectives are insufficient. Reading and consulting are great it keeps you humble, but not for the reasons I do it.
There is a book that I am reading now entitled, “You are a Badass” by Jen Sincero. Besides the title, I enjoy it because it is calling me out on all of my self-deprecating ways, and forcing me to deal with thoughts and things I have learned that have shaped my world view. It is a self-help book, yes there are a billion, but if you are reading this blog I imagine you are looking in some way to help yourself. The goal of the book is to identify and change you negative beliefs and behaviors that have hindered from the life you’ve always wanted. I am enjoying reading this book because I love people who are educated but know how to reach people on any level. Also she is hilarious.
This reading has ignited my dulled flame. So I had another idea, a book club, It’s not grand, but it will be effective. ” Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body” – Joseph Addison. I want to offer people the same tools I have been afforded. I am a goal setter/ overachiever naturally and still need a jump-start every now and again. However, I will have more information forth coming when I have found a place to host. Please let me know if you would like to be apart.
Welp that’s all for me today, I have more balled up pieces of papers lying around so you’ll hear from me soon.
With Love,
For the Culture.
